Onset Of Fear Of Flying

The Onset Of Flight Anxiety ProblemsA person on the SOAR message board at http://www.fearofflying.com/message.htm writes, "Can one person fly for almost twenty-nine years with no turbulence and no fear and then just freak out about it? I was first on the plane at age of 6 months and never even once up until this year worried about flying. I would fall asleep on planes."

"Until one flight to San Francisco and back, my nerves were really on edge for some reason and they plane shook and its the first time ever I got nervous. A few months later I went with my family to Cozumel Mexico and on the way there the plane shook a bit, I cried, my arms got numb."

"When I tell people that I never really experienced turbulence up until this year they don't believe me. Now I am convinced that every flight I will take from now on will bump and shake. I even got nervous last week watching a plane in a movie."

"I was supposed to go to Paris in end of November for my 30th birthday and I had to cancel. I am a freelancer and will start getting sent on the trips overseas more often and I would probably will have to say no. How sad!"

Having worked with people to overcome fear of flying (both as an airline captain and a licensed therapist) I have found it is not unusual at all for flight anxiety to begin at age twenty-nine. In fact, the average age of onset for fear of flying is twenty-seven.

Nor is the cause a bad flight. Even on bad flights, most people on board do not develop fear of flying. So why do some begin to have trouble after a flight that others do not find so awful?

Each of us develops a limited amount of ability to regulate feelings. What we develop is developed before age three. When we don't get enough ability to regulate feelings, we turn to control of things, reassurance from others, a way out, if things don't go well.

Having those three "security blankets" helps us deal with anxiety. But there is another thing that seems to cause the onset in the twenties: the death of illusion. Teenagers typically believe nothing can go wrong; bad things happen only to other people. In our twenties, we begin to realize things that we thought only happen to others can happen to us, too. That changes how things look. Then, flying is a problem because we no longer hold the illusion of safety, and we are not in control, don't have reassurance (unless a pilot is in the next seat) and we can't escape if things go wrong.

The answer is to build inside the emotional strength to deal with things without high anxiety. That's where the Strengthening Exercise comes in. It builds the emotional strength we need so we can fly almost as anxiety-free as we did back when we -- naively -- thought bad things can only happen to others.

I've posted an eighteen minute video at http://www.fearofflying.com/free_video.shtml which explains both the cause and the cure of this problem. Though most programs dealing with fear of flying are based on the idea pilots have that if you know how safe flying is, you will be fine. It is not that simple when you fear either, (a) having a panic attack on the plane, or (b) that yours will be that one plane in five-million that does crash. There is a way to stop panic BEFORE it can start; in fact, to make panic impossible. And, there is a way to control anxiety about the very remote possibility of an accident.